Chanda smiles through the pain as "cups" suck her skin up and give her polka-dot bruises all over her back.

Journal by Colin McAuliffe

As I watched the skin get sucked up into the cup, I was a little disturbed. It kind of reminded me of one of those nasty little canned Vienna sausages, all pink and round-ended. Frankly, it was kind of gross.

How did I end up in that situation? It’s simple: being part of the film crew, part of my job is to line up interesting things now and again for Adam and me to shoot. You may remember when we went diving, well, that was all me, baby. Anyway, as I was saying, it is sometimes up to me to make some calls as to what we will or will not shoot, and for some reason, on this particular Friday, I chose to add an extra shoot into an already entirely hectic day, what with shooting the team visits to the Petronas Towers, and an RGS field center and all.

I guess it really began the night before, which would have been Thursday night. The team had freshly arrived in Kuala Lumpur and was out hunting up some grub. We ended up at a Thai place and had a nice meal. Of course, after you eat a nice meal (or a lousy one), you are always going to have to return to wherever that place is that you are currently residing, right? So we, the DATW team plus Larry and Sue, were doing just that; walking home. It was on this seemingly unimportant journey that a tiny event occurred that would change certain individuals’ lives forever. Ok, well, sort of, I mean, it wasn’t really the biggest deal, the world did not fall off its axis, the oceans did not even rise in the slightest bit, and the migratory track of Canadian geese will remain as it always has, but, this event did cause said individuals to partake in some things that they otherwise would never even have considered. So anyway, the incident that I am speaking of, this catalyst of interesting occurrences, this otherwise everyday Southeast Asian happening, took place in front of a reflexology massage parlor. This event was one young lady asking me, “Hey, you want foot massage?”

Of course, I did not want a foot massage. I never have wanted one, and I never will. I really do not like it when people touch my feet. You see, I inherited extremely ticklish feet from my father, so if anyone even goes near them, I freak out. But this story isn’t really about me or my feet is it? Yes, It is about the events that I facilitated, but I am not the protagonist, the main character, I am but a lowly supporting character, and not the kind that gets Oscar nominations, this is really more of a cameo appearance for me, that is if you want to compare what I am talking about with the movie industry. Anyway, I really didn’t want a massage at all, however, when I turned to look at the young lady offering I saw an interesting advertisement on the window of the shop.

The add showed a man lying on a table with cups raising welts all over his back. He had a huge grin on his face, the kind that says “Hey, look at me! I’m being healed and having fun too!” I immediately recognized this as the ancient art of cupping, where suction cups are used to draw bad humors out of the skin. This “art” has been used for thousand of years, throughout the world. Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Hammurabi, Nefertiti, all these people we probably cupped, and if not, they knew of it. King George of England himself was cupped, or at least he was in a movie that I saw.

Now, I’m pretty sure that modern science has proven that cupping has no real medical merit, but what the heck does modern science know anyway? People still get acupuncture, why not have some stuff suctioned onto your back? So, it was with this in mind that I decided to tell some team member they were going to get cupped. I put out the offer; “Ok, tomorrow, one of you people is getting cupped, and I am paying for it, now whositgonnabe?” Chanda, being the adventurous young woman that she is, chimed in immediately that she was interested. We said we’d meet at one p.m. the next day, and that was that. Or was it? And of course, the answer is no, because when, while writing, if an author ever uses a horrible cliché like “and that was that. Or was it?” You know something else is coming. Something better, or worse, or bigger, or cooler, or more dangerous, or sillier, or more important, or crazier, or, as in this situation, something entirely more disgusting. Something foul, something vile, something that could also be considered a reinstated ancient medicine technique. I am talking about leeching.

Above the cupping add was a newspaper clipping of a guy with leeches all over his face; I think there were five or six of the little buggers there, sucking away. Ughh, just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine. Anyway it turned out that the massage house also had an in-house leech therapist named Jimmy Ee. When I found this out, I immediately decided that one of the team members would have to be leeched too, just cupping was not enough. Justin was immediately interested, and said he’d join us the next day.

Flash forward, one p.m., the following afternoon, the team is gathered in the lobby of their hotel; Justin is nowhere to be found. Nancy steps up to the plate. She hurt her ankle a while back in Australia and it was still swollen. She, being the brave soul that she is, decided to get the leech treatment to help her ailing ankle and our documentary. So, across the street we went, straight to the reflexology clinic. “Two cuppings and one leeching please.” All in attendance were convinced that they needed foot massages first, and so it began. Once all feet were properly rubbed, the fun began. Sue was the first to enter the torture chamber, Chanda second. I was in the chamber with Chanda while Sue’s cupping treatment began. She did not sound pleased, such exclamations as “Ouch, this really hurts!” and “Oh my God,” were heard. I could see Chanda was getting a little scared; however, her technician was giving her a good back massage to get her ready for the age-old treatment. Sue’s cries grew worse; however, eventually she said she become numb. Then, all at once, and without ceremony, Chanda’s cupping began. The woman had thoroughly cleaned all the cups and was placing the first one on Chanda’s back, I could definitley see that Chanda was nervous. The woman attached a vacuum pump to the first cup and pumped the air out of the cup. Chanda’s skin was sucked up into a bulbous mass and changed to a bright purple color. I could tell it was not pleasant, and it kind of grossed me out. I shot it anyway with my trusty Panasonic DVC80, because I know the American public really likes to be grossed out. So, it was not with great pleasure that I watch many of these cups placed on Chanda’s back and suctioned into place. By the time her back was fully covered with the cups, Chanda looked like some kind of space-turtle woman; it was very weird. She then had to lay there with those things all over for half an hour; however, I was not going to stay and watch that because an even more interesting event was taking place outside.

Jimmy Ee, the famed leech man of Kuala Lumpur, had arrived. He broke out the goods. The goods being two huge jars filled with creepy, slimy, nasty, blood-sucking little buggers. Leeches, and a lot of them, all swimming around and looking very hungry, or thirsty, or whatever it is that they feel when it’s time to feed. So Nancy took a seat, put her leg up, and the famed Mister Jimmy Ee, began to do the work that made him famous.

Mr. Ee, as I will henceforth refer to him, informed Nancy that all the leeches were used only once, so no disease could be spread. He then began the selection process, which is apparently very important. Within minutes he had chosen his first critter and was busily coaxing it to attach itself to Nancy’s ankle. The leech when at it with gusto and was soon feasting on Nancy’s sweet life-juice. Then more came, bigger and slimier, larger and grosser, they sat down for their repast at the table that was Nancy’s leg. The banquet lasted upwards of half an hour, and when the exalted guests had drank their fill of my teammate’s fluids, they dropped off in a food stupor, not unlike myself at a Thanksgiving meal; however, unlike myself, they could not retire to the living room couch to watch TV. They were quickly scooped up by Mr. Ee (mystery? Hmm, could that really be his name?) and deposited into the receptacle for used leeches. Where they went after that is anyone’s guess.

Nancy began bleeding, a lot. The blood was dark and we were told by Mr. Ee that this was because this was bad blood, and that it was good that it was being let out of Nancy’s body. This sounded like a bunch of medicine show fluff to me. Seriously, what’s next, eye of newt smoothie? Frenology? Palmistry? We were also informed that Nancy would bleed for upwards of six hours due to an anti-coagulate in the leeche’s saliva. All I could think was how ridiculously gross it was.

So, Chanda and Sue emerged from their cubbies, covered in huge round bruises all over their backs, kind of looking like strange turtle women. Nancy continued bleeding, as she would for a long time, and we left the reflexology center to visit one of the world’s tallest buildings, the Petronus Towers.

Now, I grew up right outside New York City, so skyscrapers really do not impress me. I am scared of heights a little bit, but for some reason, buildings do not invoke that fear for me. The Petronus Towers are around 1500 or so feet tall and have a bridge that goes between them; the bridge is only halfway up the towers, but they still offer a nice view of the city. I can’t say that I was hugely impressed by the buildings, but it was nice to see the city from up there. Sue, on the other hand, was scared out of her mind, she needed an arm to hold. I took a little devilish pleasure in jumping up and down in the elevator, but I could see she did not appreciate that.

So we left the tower and headed to our next visit,(without Nancy, who was bleeding profusely) which was to an RGS field center in the hills outside of K.L. It was there that Dr. Rosli Hashim entertained us with a late-night tour of the local rainforest. At first we walked along the road, looking for an animal known as the slow loris, which is kind of related to the sloth. We didn’t find one, but we did discover an entirely new species. I was given the honor of naming this monumental find, this boon to humanity, this scientific wonder. I named it Neilus Sillius. As we were walking, we heard movement in the trees. We all turned and saw that a branch was shaking. Then we heard the beasts cry. Loud and shrill, EE EE EE EE EE, it went repeatedly. Everyone, including the scientists, turned their lights and attention towards the noise. I heard one of the research assistants say “hmm, maybe it’s an eagle” Someone else said “Whatever it is, it’s big!” It was then that Neil emerged from the bushes laughing his face off. He had fooled us all, including the pros. You see, Neil had snuck ahead and ducked off into the underbrush, when we approached where he lay hidden, he began to shake a tree violently. He played us all for the suckers we are.

After that, the mood was lightened a little bit and we headed into the forest for some jungle action. We were skillfully guided on a great night hike where we were treated to seeing such wild wonders as huge cockroaches, luminescent fungi, fireflies, a juvenile pit viper, a big lizard, and our old friends the leeches. Yep, when we got back to the camp, most members of our team had to remove the little buggers from their ankle where the univited guests had sat down for yet another meal. I’m sure if Nancy had known that rather than having to pay 80 ringgit to have Mr. Ee apply them to her ankle, she could have just gone on the hike and got them for free, she might have waited. What is kind of funny to me, was that everyone who got leeches on them was wearing long pants and socks, while I had neither, only shorts and short socks, and I got away without losing a drop of my precious blood.

So, we had an extremely full day. Cups, leeches, sky scrapers, new species, and old species. After the fact, I asked Chanda if she thought the cupping worked, and she didn’t really know. I then asked Nancy if the leeches works, and she didn’t know. Was it worth it? Well for the experience I think it was, plus they now have things to tell their friends at home that will completely gross them out, and that’s always fun. It’s one week later and Chanda still shows bruises, but I think they are going away. And Nancy’s ankle seems like it is on the fast track to wellness. I’m glad that I set up our interesting visit, and I look forward to subjecting my documentary subjects to more disgusting or painful activities. For Bangkok, I’m thinking that maybe I can get Justin to drink some snake’s blood, as that is a custom there, but, who knows, maybe I can find something even better.

Nancy Receives leech treatment on a sprained ankle. Dr. Jimmy EE promises results, and the bruises did go away quickly, and the swelling went down, but Nancy contributes the healing to the foot massage she received before the leeches went to work.

Logbook for May 28th, Day 210
Start: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Time: 10:30 a.m.
N: 03* 08.889
E: 101* 42.410
Finish Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Time: 12:30 a.m.
N: 03* 08.889
E: 101* 42.410
Mileage: 054
Notes: Team explored ancient Asian secrets. Nancy received a leech treatment on her sprained ankle, Chanda and Sue were “cupped”, and Nancy, Sue, and Chanda received reflexology foot massages. Afterward, the team went to Kuala Lumpur’s famous twin towers and did a little filming. That evening, everybody (except Nancy, because she was bleeding profusely following her leech treatment) went on a jungle walk with an RGS scientist.
(N.O.)

Help support our cause: The LONGITUDE Expedition is the longest journey ever attempted with a focus on Parkinson's Disease. The Drive Around the World team aims to raise money for Parkinson’s Disease research by driving four certified pre-owned Land Rover Discoverys around the globe following lines of longitude. Readers are encouraged to pledge small amounts of money per expedition-kilometer via a pledge form that can be found on our Parkinson’s page by clicking here. 100% of donations received go directly to Parkinson's research and all who donate $10 or more will be entered into a raffle to win an expedition-equipped Land Rover Discovery.